I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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