well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
