Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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