I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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