HIV tests are more positive than that guy
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
