we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
