I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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