Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
