based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
