Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My vagina is very pro this idea
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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