One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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