I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
