went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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