Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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