i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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