I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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