Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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