I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He did a backflip because drugs
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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