I wish I could punch you in the face.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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