that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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