I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How does one acquire holy water?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
