so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
