He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
