You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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