Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
