You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
