I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
