I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
