so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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