They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
