He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
