so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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