My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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