Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize