If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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