That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
third nipple confirmed
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
