He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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