i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize