I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just invented taco cereal.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
