I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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