She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize