I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
