OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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