I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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