and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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