there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
