Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
