he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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