I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
