He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
