The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
