Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
