im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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