i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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