I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
