why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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