Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
