I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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