Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
