Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
