Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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