Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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