you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
