...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
