Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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