i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Well I just put wine in my tea
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
