I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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