i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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