This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Oh god it's open bar.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
