why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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