i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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